So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
