Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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