vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
