Your face is a jimmy john
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
