I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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