I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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