Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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