im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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