omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
