I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just cropdusted the office
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
