I will die if light touches me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
