I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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