why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
