It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
