I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think my moral compass just broke
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
