I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
