Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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