i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
