atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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