just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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