matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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