Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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