just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
