Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
