I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
