You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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