I just pynch a tree in the face
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
