I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
