i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
