I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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