im drinking this country out of the recession.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
