Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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