Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
