i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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