and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
