Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
