I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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