WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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