What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
