Betty ford says i'm here all night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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