I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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