I wanna bring you to show and tell
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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