the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
