there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
