Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
