I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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