I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
His nipple licking is glorious
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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