just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
