she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
