I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
