I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You can't motorboat a personality
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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