Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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