Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
